I guess I know how this happened.
For one, they have an aggressive anti-meth ad campaign going on in CS, which is the setting for this story. Have you seen billboards like these? The surgery? The dirty bathroom? What about the radio ads? The lady who loses her kids?
Also, on occasion there are articles on msn like the one about meth houses for sale, which make you feel like most people do meth and that any house for sale has been a haven for meth-use, if not meth production. Once you find out the all-but-inevitable truth that meth was made or even used in the home (after hundreds or thousands of dollars worth of testing), it will cost thousands more to get a hazardous waste company to completely gut the house.
Finally, there are more direct and personal reasons that I think and worry about meth.
So, hopefully that explains why on a sunny afternoon I became suspicious of two shadows loitering by the lamppost outside my bedroom window. It was a typical day—frigid and clear. The shadows looked like they belonged to tall, thin, baseball-cap be-decked persons milling about in very close proximity to each other … for nearly an hour.
Hoodlums, no doubt. What COULD they be doing there? I checked on the shadows every ten minutes…ok, every five minutes, plastering myself against our upstairs window with the hopes of seeing more than just shadows. No luck. So, I decide on the most likely story:
These two guys are drug dealers and they have newly discovered that the lamppost under my bedroom window would make a fantastic spot from which to deal methamphetamines. You know, quiet street—hasn’t been a car all morning. Perfect! No one to see their operations. They are waiting for someone, surely.
No way. Not in my town (at least, not on my street under my bedroom window). I decide to confront them. I will chase them away.
Having little-to-no training or experience on a drug fighting unit of local law enforcement, I formulate what I believe to be a never-been-tried approach.
Drug Bustin’ with L
Step 1: Dress warmly. (It’s freezing out there.)
Step 2: Call someone to let them know what you are doing, just in case you are abducted—or killed. (I can’t find my cell phone, as usual. Skip this step.)
Step 2 [revised]: Kiss sleeping baby good-bye. (Hope to see him again—in a safer world.)
Step 3: Stand at the front door visualizing my approach and rehearsing my line. (Our front door/porch is not in view of the suspects, but they may hear the door open and bolt, so I’ve got to be quick—take them by surprise—if I’m going to confront them. Also, I must be prepared to give chase.)
Step 4: In one motion—maybe two—open the door and race out (closing the door behind me). Cross the porch in two steps and JUMP off the side of it into the landscaped barkmulch/bushes/rocks in full view of the lamppost. (I wasn’t about to take our front steps and walkway all the way around, giving the suspects time to escape. I needed to catch them unawares. No sooner did they hear the door open, than they saw me flying out from the side of our house off the concrete ledge of our porch saying, probably a tad too loud for normal conversation, “Can I help you guys?”)
Step 5: Upon landing rush towards the individuals and formulate the rest of the plan. (Maybe they’ll be running and I’ll be chasing. Maybe I’ll be running and THEY’LL be chasing. Don’t really know.)
That’s the plan. I guess I can say that it worked.
All went according to plan—it was a completely by the book bust-up—that is, steps 1 thru 5 were followed with exactness. What I found under the lamppost as I landed and rushed toward it, only half expecting a reply to my “Can I help you guys?” line, was a guy and a girl [a “couple”] milling about, huddling really, trying to keep warm. They looked less hoodlum-like and more “trendy” than I had expected. They appeared quite surprised to see me, so obviously my plan of taking them unawares by running and jumping off the side of my porch totally worked.
They explained that my neighbor was tinting the windows of their car (yes, he tints windows in his garage) and they were waiting for it to be done. I took everything in (their look, their story, etc.) as I approached, and by the time I was just about under the lamppost with them I was satisfied that they were probably not drug dealers. Now, how to get back into the house.
I decided to tell them what I planned to tell the drug dealers—the beginning part—which is that they had been spotted, and not just by me. I explained that a “neighbor” had seen them milling about and called me to say, “Did you know there are some people hanging out under your lamppost?”
Everything from here on out till I get back inside is a bit hazy—due to the adrenaline drop, no doubt. Not really sure what happened once I ascertained that they were not drug dealers. I think they apologized. I think I mumbled incoherently as I wandered back into the house, taking pains to climb onto the porch from the side so as to give the impression that this is the way I always enter/exit the house.
So, Reilly Grove residents, you can all sleep a little more soundly tonight. I’m watching out...
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Reilly Grove Meth Police
[My sister has been bugging me to write this story for a year. This one's for you, T.]
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Congratulations HH2!
It took a while to get around to scoring, then a while to score, and finally a LONG while to post the results, but finally we are sending HH2 her promised San-D Zoo winnings!
We messed with our scoring system each evening for about a week as we thought of ways to make it more “fair.” But, have no fear. You were not robbed of your victory [E]. No one other than HH2 ever had the highest score (although positions 2-5 [and perhaps many of the rest] changed daily). In the end, the scoring system we developed this year is much improved from last year. But we still discuss future changes—particularly in the gender category scoring. So, keep playing.
If you think you should have received more points, remember that our system rewards consistent good guessing. So, a person may win the contest who has not “won” any of the individual categories. Solid guesses across the board are better than alternately being “right on” and “way off”. Also, you may be several days off for the date and do better in that category than you do on the length, even though you were only “half an inch” off there. This is because the range of dates is much larger than the range of length guesses.
Here are the final scores:
1. HH2 71.1
2. DMN 61.4
3. EMN 57.0
4. HH1 46.7
5. TEN 44.1
6. TJN 41.7
7. KES 39.8
8. LAN 27.5
9. DAN 27.1
10. JENC 6.6
[Perfect Score: 101.573768]
We messed with our scoring system each evening for about a week as we thought of ways to make it more “fair.” But, have no fear. You were not robbed of your victory [E]. No one other than HH2 ever had the highest score (although positions 2-5 [and perhaps many of the rest] changed daily). In the end, the scoring system we developed this year is much improved from last year. But we still discuss future changes—particularly in the gender category scoring. So, keep playing.
If you think you should have received more points, remember that our system rewards consistent good guessing. So, a person may win the contest who has not “won” any of the individual categories. Solid guesses across the board are better than alternately being “right on” and “way off”. Also, you may be several days off for the date and do better in that category than you do on the length, even though you were only “half an inch” off there. This is because the range of dates is much larger than the range of length guesses.
Here are the final scores:
1. HH2 71.1
2. DMN 61.4
3. EMN 57.0
4. HH1 46.7
5. TEN 44.1
6. TJN 41.7
7. KES 39.8
8. LAN 27.5
9. DAN 27.1
10. JENC 6.6
[Perfect Score: 101.573768]
Blast.
Halloween was celebrated in costume by all. E donned the hat only partially and only for photos, but he was identified as a “Jedi” by several people who saw him just by the robes and his association with the rest of us. So, success.
In preparation for this event I did some “research” by going to Blockbuster to rent a Star Wars movie, though which movie to rent was a mystery to me. I needed Ewoks and I needed Han in his “classic” outfit—what he wears in the first movie (in movie production chronology). Does he wear the same thing in every movie? I didn’t know. So, I asked a Blockbuster employee, hoping against hope that he could direct me to a single episode.
It is my belief that Blockbuster is simply a job, not so much a trained profession. I don’t feel that the employees need to know anything about movies—or rather I don’t find that the employees know anything about movies. Alphabetization? Definitely. Movies? Dicey. So, I had little hope that the employee I approached would be able to do more than direct me to the movies in question.
When I told him what I wanted and why [for Halloween costume “research”], he congratulated me because, as he modestly informed me, he happened to be the BIGGEST Star Wars fan. Right here, employed at my neighborhood Blockbuster. Happy and relieved though I was, I found his assessment of himself to be a bit dubious. Star Wars’ biggest fan? That’s a tall order. For one, I bet the biggest fan is unemployed (although my assumption regarding Blockbuster employees didn’t hold on this trip). Also, I think that I would be in danger—or at least feel like I were in danger—if I were in the company of Star Wars’ biggest fan, and with this agreeable fellow I did not.
He gave me the movie I needed (yes, just one; although I was right in asking since Han does NOT always wear the same thing) and even described in detail what Han’s outfit consists of (all the way down to the gold on the sides of his pants, which I had to watch a good deal of the movie in order to even catch a glimpse of).
At one point I asked, “Doesn’t he have a gun?”
Big. Mistake.
“He has a blaster.” [silence]
I just stare. Is he serious? So, that's yes, right?
Two things I mention as postscript to Halloween 2010:
1. It’s a pretty good movie. I watched about 40 minutes of the episode I rented and was quite surprised by how entertaining it was—even more surprised by how GOOD it looked. Ahead of its time, indeed. I need to watch these movies. I have no idea what the story line is, I can just think of bits and pieces and find myself wondering how they got there and what they are doing (Why are they in the desert? Why are they in the snow? Why are they in the forest? Why are they in the swamp? Why are they in outer space?)
2. I sent a photo of us in our Halloween costume to a few people. Mere weeks later I found myself searching for a photo for our Christmas card. We do not, nor will we ever, have pictures taken with the intent of using one of them for our Christmas card. We’re just not that way, although I’d like to be. But it’s a bit of effort with a small likelihood of producing a shot with all of us looking and smiling at the camera. So, our cards are informal at best. But as I thought and searched I found only one photo of the four of us. It was taken at the Zoo around Thanksgiving time. That’ll have to do. Only after sending the Christmas cards did I remember that we DO have a Halloween photo of the four of us. So, we had TWO possible pictures for our Christmas card, and I think I will simply send a Halloween photo each Christmas from now on and omit the hunt.
In preparation for this event I did some “research” by going to Blockbuster to rent a Star Wars movie, though which movie to rent was a mystery to me. I needed Ewoks and I needed Han in his “classic” outfit—what he wears in the first movie (in movie production chronology). Does he wear the same thing in every movie? I didn’t know. So, I asked a Blockbuster employee, hoping against hope that he could direct me to a single episode.
It is my belief that Blockbuster is simply a job, not so much a trained profession. I don’t feel that the employees need to know anything about movies—or rather I don’t find that the employees know anything about movies. Alphabetization? Definitely. Movies? Dicey. So, I had little hope that the employee I approached would be able to do more than direct me to the movies in question.
When I told him what I wanted and why [for Halloween costume “research”], he congratulated me because, as he modestly informed me, he happened to be the BIGGEST Star Wars fan. Right here, employed at my neighborhood Blockbuster. Happy and relieved though I was, I found his assessment of himself to be a bit dubious. Star Wars’ biggest fan? That’s a tall order. For one, I bet the biggest fan is unemployed (although my assumption regarding Blockbuster employees didn’t hold on this trip). Also, I think that I would be in danger—or at least feel like I were in danger—if I were in the company of Star Wars’ biggest fan, and with this agreeable fellow I did not.
He gave me the movie I needed (yes, just one; although I was right in asking since Han does NOT always wear the same thing) and even described in detail what Han’s outfit consists of (all the way down to the gold on the sides of his pants, which I had to watch a good deal of the movie in order to even catch a glimpse of).
At one point I asked, “Doesn’t he have a gun?”
Big. Mistake.
“He has a blaster.” [silence]
I just stare. Is he serious? So, that's yes, right?
Two things I mention as postscript to Halloween 2010:
1. It’s a pretty good movie. I watched about 40 minutes of the episode I rented and was quite surprised by how entertaining it was—even more surprised by how GOOD it looked. Ahead of its time, indeed. I need to watch these movies. I have no idea what the story line is, I can just think of bits and pieces and find myself wondering how they got there and what they are doing (Why are they in the desert? Why are they in the snow? Why are they in the forest? Why are they in the swamp? Why are they in outer space?)
2. I sent a photo of us in our Halloween costume to a few people. Mere weeks later I found myself searching for a photo for our Christmas card. We do not, nor will we ever, have pictures taken with the intent of using one of them for our Christmas card. We’re just not that way, although I’d like to be. But it’s a bit of effort with a small likelihood of producing a shot with all of us looking and smiling at the camera. So, our cards are informal at best. But as I thought and searched I found only one photo of the four of us. It was taken at the Zoo around Thanksgiving time. That’ll have to do. Only after sending the Christmas cards did I remember that we DO have a Halloween photo of the four of us. So, we had TWO possible pictures for our Christmas card, and I think I will simply send a Halloween photo each Christmas from now on and omit the hunt.
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